6. Make My Entire Family Wear Matching Clothes - When I was growing up there was a family at our church who did this. Mom, Dad, Kids, everyone. All the same pattern, material, everything.
5. Let My 4-Year-Old Son Wear Justin Bieber T-Shirts - Yes I saw this recently.
4. Let My Kids Have Cell Phones Before They Can Afford To Pay For Them - I'm sorry but children do not need to text. Children do not need cell phones.
3. Pull My Child By The Ear - In researching this post I asked my mother what is something I shouldn't do when I have children and she demonstrated this act of frustration. It hurts.
2. Watch The Wiggles - Most children's shows are a little strange and annoying and don't make much sense and get stuck in your head in the worst way. But from what I have seen of the Wiggles, they are the worst. No Wiggles in my house thank you.
1. Nurse A Baby In A Movie Theatre - Inspiration for this post. I was on a date the other night and we were a little shocked why we a) saw that the couple in front of use had a baby with them (which could be kind of annoying and disruptive and why would you bring a baby in the first place?) a b) realized that right at the dramatic climax of the movies the woman began to NURSE her baby. Needless to say, I covered my face with my sweater and pretended to be moved to tears by Katherin Heigl's performance.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Top 6 Things to get Back After a Break Up
Inspired by a conversation with Dan
6) Your Black T-shirt- After the silence, the what ifs, the what could have been stage, you realize that you left an important piece of clothing at their house, your balck t-shirt. This versatile piece of clothing fits any occasion, relaxing, funeraling, you name it. It's also easy to forget and is nessecary to have. Sure, you could buy another one, but you want yours back. Also ben Folds sings about it....
5) Your Gameboy- At some point during the relationship, you probably let them play with your Nintendo DS, no doubt Mario Cart or a game of that nature. As a token of trust and goodwill, you let them keep playing after they begged you to keep it for a few days, which turned into a few months as they attempted to defeat Bowser. Sure, it was a great common interest, but now your broken up you have a lot more time on your hands, which can be filled with a Gameboy, and maybe tears.
4) Kitchenware- The making and preparing of food is a great couples activity, as long as there are no attempted poisionings when things go South. There is no doubt you brought some sort of tupperware or kitchen item with food in it being the ideal romantic type. That time is over, you now need something to keep your left over pizza in. I bet you wish you had that tupperware container instead of it being locked up in the Fortress of Solitude.
3) Your Couples Improvement Books- If your a guy, please tell me you don't have any of these to pick up, if you do, I guess you guys didnt study it hard enough. Important Note: While picking it up, don't say something like, "I need it for my next relationship" or, "I guess we won't be needing this anymore," have some class.
2) Your TV on DVD Series- Every couple has this. its an excuse to be close to each other. Whether it's a drama like th O.C., a terrible show like Prison break, or a decent show like The Office, it is vital to get this item back. Nothing says I've moved on like like taking this nifty box set back and watching it by yourself or with someone else. By the way, you can't wacth the same series in your next relationship, be a little bit creative, it could also get sort of weird. apparently the brain associates memories to images. If all you can think of is the time you spilt coffee on yourself with your former Lover, probably not a good idea to wacth it with your current Lover. I could see things going badly by starting to say, "Remeber that time we watched this episode and I......"
1) Your Dignity- I think you left it in that box over there by the twenty post break up love letters you sent....
PS
Ben Folds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVk_e31dnlE
Viewer discretion might be advised.
6) Your Black T-shirt- After the silence, the what ifs, the what could have been stage, you realize that you left an important piece of clothing at their house, your balck t-shirt. This versatile piece of clothing fits any occasion, relaxing, funeraling, you name it. It's also easy to forget and is nessecary to have. Sure, you could buy another one, but you want yours back. Also ben Folds sings about it....
5) Your Gameboy- At some point during the relationship, you probably let them play with your Nintendo DS, no doubt Mario Cart or a game of that nature. As a token of trust and goodwill, you let them keep playing after they begged you to keep it for a few days, which turned into a few months as they attempted to defeat Bowser. Sure, it was a great common interest, but now your broken up you have a lot more time on your hands, which can be filled with a Gameboy, and maybe tears.
4) Kitchenware- The making and preparing of food is a great couples activity, as long as there are no attempted poisionings when things go South. There is no doubt you brought some sort of tupperware or kitchen item with food in it being the ideal romantic type. That time is over, you now need something to keep your left over pizza in. I bet you wish you had that tupperware container instead of it being locked up in the Fortress of Solitude.
3) Your Couples Improvement Books- If your a guy, please tell me you don't have any of these to pick up, if you do, I guess you guys didnt study it hard enough. Important Note: While picking it up, don't say something like, "I need it for my next relationship" or, "I guess we won't be needing this anymore," have some class.
2) Your TV on DVD Series- Every couple has this. its an excuse to be close to each other. Whether it's a drama like th O.C., a terrible show like Prison break, or a decent show like The Office, it is vital to get this item back. Nothing says I've moved on like like taking this nifty box set back and watching it by yourself or with someone else. By the way, you can't wacth the same series in your next relationship, be a little bit creative, it could also get sort of weird. apparently the brain associates memories to images. If all you can think of is the time you spilt coffee on yourself with your former Lover, probably not a good idea to wacth it with your current Lover. I could see things going badly by starting to say, "Remeber that time we watched this episode and I......"
1) Your Dignity- I think you left it in that box over there by the twenty post break up love letters you sent....
PS
Ben Folds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVk_e31dnlE
Viewer discretion might be advised.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Top Six Things You Don't Want to Hear at Thanksgiving Dinner
6. Careful, the cat licked that
5. Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?
4. Mom, I think the stove is broken (inspiration for this post - we are currently cooking dinner at our neighbor's house)
3. The expiry date on the turkey was a few days ago...but I probably cooked out all the mold
2. The stuffing is gluten free!
1. There are so many calories in the dinner, I decided not to make dessert.
5. Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?
4. Mom, I think the stove is broken (inspiration for this post - we are currently cooking dinner at our neighbor's house)
3. The expiry date on the turkey was a few days ago...but I probably cooked out all the mold
2. The stuffing is gluten free!
1. There are so many calories in the dinner, I decided not to make dessert.
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