I haven’t had good luck with guys. There were a few years there where the only guys who liked me were…well, guys that Jesus loves but I wasn’t all that in to. Here are a few experiences that I have grown to appreciate.
6. The Pizza Order – Once when I was working at a pizza place a guy came in to place a take out order. He said to me, “I’d like a large pepperoni pizza and your phone number. Please”. I didn’t give him my phone number.
5. The Grad Date – When I was in Grade 12 this guy asked me to grad. I didn’t really know what to say, honestly I didn’t want to go with him, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to go with anyone. After I told him that I didn’t know what to say he said “Don’t worry, you can take the weekend to think about it, I just didn’t want you to have to go alone”. Thanks.
4. The Dutch Treat – this one didn’t happen to me, it happened to my sister, but I thought it was worth mentioning. My dear sister Jess went out for sushi with a guy once. When he got to the restaurant he said to her, “I just spent my last $7 on gas, so you’re going to have to get this one”. I understand that gas is expensive, but if you’re going out and you need gas maybe you can borrow a few dollars from a friend? I don’t know, just a thought.
3. The One I Don’t Have a Title For – I went to high school with this guy who didn’t like me. I really liked him but I guess I just ticked him off. Our first year out of high school we both did this one year program at Summit Pacific College. We went on a retreat the first weekend and I figured we should figure out our relationship before the year went horribly wrong. I told him that I didn’t care if he liked me as long as he treated me with respect. His answer? “I really want to like you, I just can’t do it”! We talked about this conversation a few months ago – he’s blocked it from his memory and asked me to forgive him. I said yes.
2. The First Time I Was Asked Out – this is a good one. It happened over MSN. It was two weeks before my 16th birthday and I was talking to a boy who was a grade younger than me from school. He told me he wanted to go out with me and I said no ( I said it nicer than just “no” but it would take up too much room to write it all out) he asked me to give him one good reason why I wouldn’t go out with him and I gave him three. 1) I’m older than you, 2) I barely even know you and 3) I don’t have feelings for you. He replied with, You’re not that much older than me, you probably know me better than anyone I know and we can work on that last one. When he persisted I told him that he’d have to ask my parents’ permission before I said yes, ‘Okay, but just to warn you, parents love me’. The next day at school he asked me if I would say yes if my parents said yes, I told him no and that was finally the end of it.
1. The Pizza Delivery Guy – This is the story you all have been waiting for. I worked at a pizza place for 4 years. For part of that time I worked with a guy, let’s call him Jimmy. Jimmy was about 30 years old and he delivered pizza. He started asking me a lot about the Bible and Jesus and all that good stuff and I was excited to share. Then one day he came in to work and told me he had a present for me. He handed me a box and told me not to open it until I got home. Luckily my boss sent me to the store to pick up some lettuce and I took my purse along. On the way I opened the box and a ring dropped out. It was a sparkly mood ring that said ‘I (heart) you’ on it. There was also a letter inside. ‘Dearest Angel…” I stuffed the box back into my purse, bought the lettuce, went back to work and promptly told my boss I wasn’t feeling well. I began the walk home, reading the letter. I don’t remember it word for word but here is a pretty good paraphrase of some of the best parts.
“Dearest Angel,
From the moment I saw you I loved you. When I saw your penmanship I fell even deeper in love…If you were to love me back I would be the luckiest man on earth. We are like two ducks floating on a lotus pond, or two dragons floating in the summer breeze, that is what I dream for us…”
There was more but I don’t remember it. The best part was he signed it with his email address and phone number and the post statement said, “Do Not (not was underlined three times) tell anyone about this”. No kidding don’t tell anyone about the 30 year old proclaiming his love for his 17 year old co-worker!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Top 6 Debunked Lies That Cartoons Taught Me
6. Cataclysms don't precede a moment of digestion. If something major happens, like a large explosion or a revelation of one's own origin, you do not get a two-minute commercial to let it settle. And for the really big ones, the words "To Be Continued..." don't appear at the bottom of the screen, giving you a week's recluse from the problem.
5. Living with your friends and having crazy adventures is not as fun as it sounds. Most of the time, the only enemy you want to fight once your friends move in are the friends themselves. And not in the "you-pretended-to-be-my-friend-but-secretly-were-the-enemy-all-along-man-what-a-great-plot-twist" sort of way. Just the really annoying way.
4. Animals don't talk.
3. You can't hide your identity just by wearing a mask around your eyes. You most likely have to have something that covers your entire face. Probably your hair too.
2. If you accidentally run off a cliff, you can't maintain anti-gravity just by not looking down.
1. If you really want something but you just can't get it, don't keep trying. Let it go, man. Let it go.
5. Living with your friends and having crazy adventures is not as fun as it sounds. Most of the time, the only enemy you want to fight once your friends move in are the friends themselves. And not in the "you-pretended-to-be-my-friend-but-secretly-were-the-enemy-all-along-man-what-a-great-plot-twist" sort of way. Just the really annoying way.
4. Animals don't talk.
3. You can't hide your identity just by wearing a mask around your eyes. You most likely have to have something that covers your entire face. Probably your hair too.
2. If you accidentally run off a cliff, you can't maintain anti-gravity just by not looking down.
1. If you really want something but you just can't get it, don't keep trying. Let it go, man. Let it go.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Top 6 Songs from my New Employment Album
So here are the top 6 most anticipated songs from my new album of covers tune about working called "Nurseryland or CT and Everything in Between"
6) Card Denied- Cover of Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch
5) Clearance- Cover of Changes by David Bowie
4) Workers in Langley- Cover of Lovers in Japan by Coldplay
3) A Homewood Fairytale- Cover of A Dustland Fairytale by The Killers
2) Stock it Like it's Hot- Cover of Drop it Like it's Hot by Snoop Dog
1) Out of My Way (I Don't Want to Pay)- Cover of Light My Way (Ultraviolet) by U2
6) Card Denied- Cover of Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch
5) Clearance- Cover of Changes by David Bowie
4) Workers in Langley- Cover of Lovers in Japan by Coldplay
3) A Homewood Fairytale- Cover of A Dustland Fairytale by The Killers
2) Stock it Like it's Hot- Cover of Drop it Like it's Hot by Snoop Dog
1) Out of My Way (I Don't Want to Pay)- Cover of Light My Way (Ultraviolet) by U2
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Top Six Things That Creep Me Out
Something that should be known is I have a lot of quirky things about me. There are things that really creep me out and maybe some of them are dumb, but here we go.
6) When People Chew Loudly – It’s just gross. It really bothers me. Seriously, learn to chew with your mouth closed. Enough said.
5) The Bottom of the Ocean – Not that bad, but I do not like the feeling of all the gross crud at the bottom of the ocean or the lake. Sand is fine, rocks are fine, weeds are not. Maybe I’m just afraid of the fish or that there’s going to be something that cuts me. I don’t like it.
4) Animals – They are just really creepy! You never know what they are thinking and they don’t know any words so how can they even think at all? AND you never know what they are going to do. I don’t know, they’re creepy!
3) Milk – Okay, I like milk products. I love ice cream and I love cheese and milk and all that good stuff. But seriously, milk products are creepy; especially when they come from other people’s fridges. One time my friend Miguel took a Fruit Loop out of my cereal bowl and I almost refused to eat the rest of it. I don’t have an explanation for it. The worst thing would be sharing a spoon when you’re eating ice cream or yoghurt (especially yoghurt!). I’m really fine sharing food but ice cream and yoghurt are a no go…and apples, that’s weird too.
2) Rodents – Sort of like the first one…but seriously, ew. Rodents are gross. They eat disgusting things and live in places you don’t want them to live. And what the heck is with the surprise of them. You never really expect to find a mouse, it’s always a surprise and you’re like “Holy Crap, there’s a mouse!” Last summer I was sleeping in my cabin (at camp) and in the middle of the night my friend started freaking out and there was a mouse IN MY BED. NOT COOL. We ended up sleeping in her car for the rest of the night.
1) Farm Animals – These are on a whole other level from regular animals. There is something about farm animals that make my skin crawl. They are smelly and dirty and sometimes you eat them. It is SO weird to me to think of meat. I like eating meat but I just can’t think about what it really is. Farm Animals are the worst out of any other types of animals.
6) When People Chew Loudly – It’s just gross. It really bothers me. Seriously, learn to chew with your mouth closed. Enough said.
5) The Bottom of the Ocean – Not that bad, but I do not like the feeling of all the gross crud at the bottom of the ocean or the lake. Sand is fine, rocks are fine, weeds are not. Maybe I’m just afraid of the fish or that there’s going to be something that cuts me. I don’t like it.
4) Animals – They are just really creepy! You never know what they are thinking and they don’t know any words so how can they even think at all? AND you never know what they are going to do. I don’t know, they’re creepy!
3) Milk – Okay, I like milk products. I love ice cream and I love cheese and milk and all that good stuff. But seriously, milk products are creepy; especially when they come from other people’s fridges. One time my friend Miguel took a Fruit Loop out of my cereal bowl and I almost refused to eat the rest of it. I don’t have an explanation for it. The worst thing would be sharing a spoon when you’re eating ice cream or yoghurt (especially yoghurt!). I’m really fine sharing food but ice cream and yoghurt are a no go…and apples, that’s weird too.
2) Rodents – Sort of like the first one…but seriously, ew. Rodents are gross. They eat disgusting things and live in places you don’t want them to live. And what the heck is with the surprise of them. You never really expect to find a mouse, it’s always a surprise and you’re like “Holy Crap, there’s a mouse!” Last summer I was sleeping in my cabin (at camp) and in the middle of the night my friend started freaking out and there was a mouse IN MY BED. NOT COOL. We ended up sleeping in her car for the rest of the night.
1) Farm Animals – These are on a whole other level from regular animals. There is something about farm animals that make my skin crawl. They are smelly and dirty and sometimes you eat them. It is SO weird to me to think of meat. I like eating meat but I just can’t think about what it really is. Farm Animals are the worst out of any other types of animals.
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