6. Piercing (Varied) - This is the go to. Nothing says that you are respectable more than your willingness to put holes in your body. This practice is all about sticking it to the man. Piercings used to be a way to mark slaves, but that's the beauty of it. You willingly put a hole in your body to say that you will assume the role of self-slavery sooner than the role of man-slavery. The man hates it when you do it, because he wants you to be his slave. He's a jerk.
5. Sweatbands - These used to be considered a sign of loserdom. However, once people realized how practical they actually were, they dominated the realms of the reputable. I put one of these on once, and instantly, I could do no wrong. They're especially cool if you wear one while not playing spots. A cop pulled me over, but once he saw that I was wearing a headband, he ticketed himself. Then I ticketed him too.
4. Wristbands - Often worn by rock stars, these handy items make it look that your wrists are so powerful that they need to be suppressed. Do not confuse these with wristwatches, which are NOT cool. Cool people do not wear wristwatches because they are not limited by time, but make time.
3. Handbags - Not to be confused with purses. These "handy" items allow you to store all of your possessions in a place other than your pockets, which would just look ridiculous since it would bulge out.
2. Blackberry - Nothing says you're with it more than having your life organized. Also, these babies function as portable mothers - they make sure you're doing everything you're supposed to.
1. = Against the Sabre = A significant other - As much as single people want to war against this, the truth is that having another person in your life is a status symbol. In fact, it is THE status symbol. Some say that these are good for other things as well, like love and companionship, but the truth is, the status is the best past.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Top 6 Reasons You Want To Join My Revolution
6. Your life is boring. You get riled up watching movies about fighting for freedom and wish that you had a chance to do the same. This is your chance.
5. You've been hurt before. Although you may not see it, the cause of your hurt was StopFive Records. You need to get revenge.
4. This is a reputable media source. If you subscribe to it, you pretty much have it made. I have a masters in journalism and all sorts of crazy connections. If you can say that you wrote on this blog and worked with me, it would give you great street cred.
3. You had a dream that you could not interpret. The interpretation is thus - that you are to join my revolution. I had a dream the other night that I hid my pet horse in between the pages of a book, and when I opened it, he was only a drawing. I could never get my pet horse back. That fuels me in the cause.
2. You're single. Quality singles are waiting for you here at StopSix Records. I'm not one, but I'm sure there will be some. Being a writer on the blog will get them interested in you. If you don't choose to write, you will be single forever. And hate it.
1. I'm asking politely.
So - leave a comment if you want to join this revolution.
5. You've been hurt before. Although you may not see it, the cause of your hurt was StopFive Records. You need to get revenge.
4. This is a reputable media source. If you subscribe to it, you pretty much have it made. I have a masters in journalism and all sorts of crazy connections. If you can say that you wrote on this blog and worked with me, it would give you great street cred.
3. You had a dream that you could not interpret. The interpretation is thus - that you are to join my revolution. I had a dream the other night that I hid my pet horse in between the pages of a book, and when I opened it, he was only a drawing. I could never get my pet horse back. That fuels me in the cause.
2. You're single. Quality singles are waiting for you here at StopSix Records. I'm not one, but I'm sure there will be some. Being a writer on the blog will get them interested in you. If you don't choose to write, you will be single forever. And hate it.
1. I'm asking politely.
So - leave a comment if you want to join this revolution.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Top 6 Who's Who
6. StopFive Records - These are the enemy. In a historical motif, they are most obviously the Czars of monastic Russia with their exclusivistic ideals. In a galactic historical motif, they are the cantina owner who refused to serve droids. To discover more of their elitism, visit StopFive Records.
5. StopFour Records - This is our ally. In a historical motif, it is the brotherhood of the French Revolution. Ever loyal, ever true and possessing a heart full of song. In a galactic historical motif, it is a friendly Ewok. To aid this noble effort, be sure to visit StopFour Records.
4. Finneas - This is myself, the last remaining champion of idealism. In a historical motif, I am like William Wallace. In a galactic historical motif, I am Han Solo. With jedi powers. To learn more about me, take the time to sit down and listen to my problems.
3. ValuSave - This is the barbaric institution that I am convinced is in partnership with StopFive Records. In a historical motif, they are sweat shops. In a galactic historical motif, they are the Death Star. The second one. To learn more about the revolting reality that is the ValuSave, check out Finding Finneas.
2. You - This is the change agent. In a historical context, you are the proles of Orwell's 1984. In a galactic historical context, you are Obi-Wan Kenobi - our only hope.
1. Destiny - Where all of these figureheads collide. In a historical context, it is still destiny. In the galactic historical context, it is the force. To be a part of it, join and continue to support StopSix and StopFour Records as we seek to right all that is wrong in the world.
5. StopFour Records - This is our ally. In a historical motif, it is the brotherhood of the French Revolution. Ever loyal, ever true and possessing a heart full of song. In a galactic historical motif, it is a friendly Ewok. To aid this noble effort, be sure to visit StopFour Records.
4. Finneas - This is myself, the last remaining champion of idealism. In a historical motif, I am like William Wallace. In a galactic historical motif, I am Han Solo. With jedi powers. To learn more about me, take the time to sit down and listen to my problems.
3. ValuSave - This is the barbaric institution that I am convinced is in partnership with StopFive Records. In a historical motif, they are sweat shops. In a galactic historical motif, they are the Death Star. The second one. To learn more about the revolting reality that is the ValuSave, check out Finding Finneas.
2. You - This is the change agent. In a historical context, you are the proles of Orwell's 1984. In a galactic historical context, you are Obi-Wan Kenobi - our only hope.
1. Destiny - Where all of these figureheads collide. In a historical context, it is still destiny. In the galactic historical context, it is the force. To be a part of it, join and continue to support StopSix and StopFour Records as we seek to right all that is wrong in the world.
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