6. Piercing (Varied) - This is the go to. Nothing says that you are respectable more than your willingness to put holes in your body. This practice is all about sticking it to the man. Piercings used to be a way to mark slaves, but that's the beauty of it. You willingly put a hole in your body to say that you will assume the role of self-slavery sooner than the role of man-slavery. The man hates it when you do it, because he wants you to be his slave. He's a jerk.
5. Sweatbands - These used to be considered a sign of loserdom. However, once people realized how practical they actually were, they dominated the realms of the reputable. I put one of these on once, and instantly, I could do no wrong. They're especially cool if you wear one while not playing spots. A cop pulled me over, but once he saw that I was wearing a headband, he ticketed himself. Then I ticketed him too.
4. Wristbands - Often worn by rock stars, these handy items make it look that your wrists are so powerful that they need to be suppressed. Do not confuse these with wristwatches, which are NOT cool. Cool people do not wear wristwatches because they are not limited by time, but make time.
3. Handbags - Not to be confused with purses. These "handy" items allow you to store all of your possessions in a place other than your pockets, which would just look ridiculous since it would bulge out.
2. Blackberry - Nothing says you're with it more than having your life organized. Also, these babies function as portable mothers - they make sure you're doing everything you're supposed to.
1. = Against the Sabre = A significant other - As much as single people want to war against this, the truth is that having another person in your life is a status symbol. In fact, it is THE status symbol. Some say that these are good for other things as well, like love and companionship, but the truth is, the status is the best past.
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