Thursday, December 18, 2008

Top 6 Records that I've Discovered or have been Released in 2008

6) Against Me- New Wave

5) David Gray- White Ladder

4) Athelete- Beyond The Neighbourhood

3) The Killers- Day and Age

2) Keane- Perfect Symmetry

1) Coldplay- Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends

Monday, December 8, 2008

Top 6 Break Ups

Before I write this i have not done any of these but after discussing these scenario's with people I believe these would be hialrious break ups, So I'm proably once again going to sound like a jerk.

6) The Non-Verbal Break Up- Nothing would suck more than to be texting the lady and getting a response back saying were through. At that point my phone would be half way across the room in a rage against technology. Unlike Kip's song "I Love Technology" I would change it to "I despise Technology" and punch something, proably causing damage.

5) The It's You Break Up- There's the cliche its not you it's me break up. But what if you were so fed up and unimpressed with the person you said, "Ill be straight up here, it's you." What a moment that would be, I would give a standing ovation to whoever utter those words. Maybe after even throw in a, "To be honest, I feel like I'm a real catch."

4) The Jerry MacGuire Break Up- We all know the infamous Secret Garden scene (love the song) where whats her face said, "You had me at Hello." What if you were to reverse that and be in the pouring rain saying to her, "I was excited to say goodbye." Then instead of embracing her, walk off into the distance with your head held high saying, "Who needs Tom Cruise and what's her face, I've got other options."

3) The Singing Break Up- If I was a up and coming muscian and the girl I was with was purely there for the rise to the top, that would suck. That is until you dedicate a song to your lady on stage and say, "This next song is called, Were Through" play a few notes and express your feelings through the chords of G, D, and C. Once she gets the point make your next song 'Return of the Mack" nothing says your over her like an early 1990's R&B song.

2) The Zodiac Break Up- In any marina you'll see small inflatable boats that have little engines on the back that allows you to explore land and gives you the freedom of a small boat. The freedom you'll gain after this break up will be monumental. The premise of this one is you and the lady are standing on a dock and you break the news, saying it's not going to work out. At this point another person comes to the dock on a zodiac and picks you up. Here you crank the motor and plain into the distant sunset leaving her wondering what could have happened after that epic exit.

1) The Face Push Break Up- My personal favourite. This will only work if the person your with is in fact one of the worst humans of all time. Preferably extremely whiney or controlling. The premise is you are walking towards the person and from a distance you can hear them talking about something you apparently did wrong or how you are an idiot somehow. Once you are within a couple feet of the person you extend your hand and as they start to rip into you because of your close proximity you put your hand directly into the face and push them aside. You keep walking and never talk to the person again. Brilliant.

Top 6 Songs That I Would Write If I Were A Songwriter

Like all songs, these are about love. Like all love songs I understand, these love songs are about frustrated love.

6. I Want to Love You But You Don't Love Me
5. I Want to Love You But You Can't Spell So Well
4. I Want to Love You But You Weigh More Than Me
3. I Want to Love You But I Just Can't Love A Beast
2. I Want to Love You But You Have No Future
1. I Want to Love You But You're A Pagan

Monday, December 1, 2008

Top 6 Places Not In British Columbia

As promised, here is the sequel. I hope this one isn't a disappointment.

6. The House of the Ninja Turtles - I saw a lot of touristy things when I backpacked around Europe. In fact, I saw so many touristy things that by the time I got to Paris, I refused to go up the Eiffel Tower and enter the Louvre. A lot of people would think me dumb for it, but you don't know how boring even the most historically rich artifacts can get after a while.

But the Vatican museum could never get boring to me. I could spend months with a tour guide, asking more and more questions about all the artifacts that are in there. The trip through the museum also ends with the Sistine Chapel, which is probably the single greatest work of art not in British Columbia.

5. Infinity Beach of Eternity - I grew up in Brazil for almost four years. I also almost drowned twice while I was there. Those strong Brazilian currents were too much for my seven-year-old self. Fortunately I was saved by my parents both times.

But that's not why this beach, or the beaches in Brazil in general, are one of the greatest places not in British Columbia. Aside from almost taking my life, I owe a lot to the Brazilian beaches. There were so many of them that taking a trip to the beach did not constitute fighting with crowds all day. They are endless sand, and as serene as those screen savers you can get. Those were beaches. And those are the reason I can never enjoy the British Columbian beach.

4. The Room of Darkness - I went to Africa with a good friend of mine. The trip was all filled with drama and I was very incapable at dealing with it. One of the ways I managed, however, was to sit in the living room of the place we were staying and listen to music with my friend. We were the only two in that house, so we could get away with it. The generator of the complex we stayed at went out in the early evening, so we would sit in the perfect darkness to listen, talk and ponder our lives. The place I was in at the time and stage of life made it all the more better.

3. The Germanic Village - Also on my trip to Europe, I was privileged to stay with my uncle, and later a friend's cousin, in tiny villages in Germany. It wasn't the boonies like we would understand in North America. In Europe, many places have the population of one of our cities spread out in tiny villages, all just over the next hill from each other.

The time I spent at these places was peaceful and rejuvenating. Both were especially needed as I was on a very hectic trip.

2. The Jesus Circle - My aunt lives in the Cayman Islands. We went to visit her once. As we were exploring the island, we came to this one cul-de-sac. The road leading into the cul-de-sac led out onto a peninsula and was straddled by palm trees. The cul-de-sac featured a statue of Jesus in the middle. It wasn't the statue, so much as the pristine peninsula that ended perfectly at the edge of the dynamic Cayman ocean that made it the one place I hope to have a house someday. Maybe.

1. Space - I've never been to space. I probably never will be. But there is no place that is cooler and that I would love to go more. That's sort of sad, but at the same time, it's probably good. I know that if I had a chance to go to whenever I wanted, I would soon become underwhelmed by it.