Top 6 Break Ups

Before I write this i have not done any of these but after discussing these scenario's with people I believe these would be hialrious break ups, So I'm proably once again going to sound like a jerk.

6) The Non-Verbal Break Up- Nothing would suck more than to be texting the lady and getting a response back saying were through. At that point my phone would be half way across the room in a rage against technology. Unlike Kip's song "I Love Technology" I would change it to "I despise Technology" and punch something, proably causing damage.

5) The It's You Break Up- There's the cliche its not you it's me break up. But what if you were so fed up and unimpressed with the person you said, "Ill be straight up here, it's you." What a moment that would be, I would give a standing ovation to whoever utter those words. Maybe after even throw in a, "To be honest, I feel like I'm a real catch."

4) The Jerry MacGuire Break Up- We all know the infamous Secret Garden scene (love the song) where whats her face said, "You had me at Hello." What if you were to reverse that and be in the pouring rain saying to her, "I was excited to say goodbye." Then instead of embracing her, walk off into the distance with your head held high saying, "Who needs Tom Cruise and what's her face, I've got other options."

3) The Singing Break Up- If I was a up and coming muscian and the girl I was with was purely there for the rise to the top, that would suck. That is until you dedicate a song to your lady on stage and say, "This next song is called, Were Through" play a few notes and express your feelings through the chords of G, D, and C. Once she gets the point make your next song 'Return of the Mack" nothing says your over her like an early 1990's R&B song.

2) The Zodiac Break Up- In any marina you'll see small inflatable boats that have little engines on the back that allows you to explore land and gives you the freedom of a small boat. The freedom you'll gain after this break up will be monumental. The premise of this one is you and the lady are standing on a dock and you break the news, saying it's not going to work out. At this point another person comes to the dock on a zodiac and picks you up. Here you crank the motor and plain into the distant sunset leaving her wondering what could have happened after that epic exit.

1) The Face Push Break Up- My personal favourite. This will only work if the person your with is in fact one of the worst humans of all time. Preferably extremely whiney or controlling. The premise is you are walking towards the person and from a distance you can hear them talking about something you apparently did wrong or how you are an idiot somehow. Once you are within a couple feet of the person you extend your hand and as they start to rip into you because of your close proximity you put your hand directly into the face and push them aside. You keep walking and never talk to the person again. Brilliant.