Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Top 6 Things That Destroy A Series

6. Too much, all the time - Otherwise known as the "OC" disorder. Fans of the ill-fated show were sucked in past the bad acting into the always-explosive story lines. The problem was that the show tried to do too much all the time. It left no room for character development and destroyed the only thing the show had going for itself - a sense of realness. What drew people in was the fact that the conversations the characters had felt like real conversations teenagers had. The only problem was that this was all nullified as soon as the plot lines moved from familiar to bizarre. A series needs to realize how much time it has to tell a story and not rush it (or conversely, drag it out too long).

5. Carrying it out for too long - Otherwise known as the "Spider-Man" disorder. Last summer, I ordered a DVD containing 500+ issues of the original Spider-Man comic in digital format. I have greatly enjoyed the earlier stories. They show just why Spider-Man is still popular over 40 years after his creation. The later stories...not so much. You can certainly tell when the often-changing writers were just trying to meet the demands for another issue. And from the research I've done about what happens later I'm considering getting rid of the DVD altogether. That's because direction the seem to be taking the comic does not only ruin its future, but makes one look at its past differently. Stuff like this happens every time a plot-driven piece tries to run on forever. Especially in the case of comic books where writers change all the time.

4. Changing Writers - Otherwise known as the "SonicFlood" disorder. There are a few situations in which a writer can be replaced and the quality of a work carried on. I honestly cannot think of a single situation at the moment. The problem is that people fail to see how intimately connected a writer and his/her work are. In many situations, a series of any sort has value mostly because of what it says about that writer. People think that you can understand someone's writing by looking at their history, but this is only partly true. A person's history is best understood through the lens of their work. That all being said, if your favorite TV show is starting to suck, it's probably because the original writer left.

3. Over-Manipulation of Death - Otherwise known as the "Pirates of the Caribbean" disorder. There is a place for resurrection in stories, but not when it comes as an after-thought. This usually happens when fans complain that one of their favorite characters dies. The writer(s) think(s) that they quickly need to undo the decision they made in order to keep their work popular. As a result, we get the insulting "clone/dream/misunderstanding" junk that ruins a good series. If fans leave a series because their favorite character was axed, it means that there really wasn't enough to the series in the first place and bringing that character back as an afterthought will just further damage a weak work.

2. Identity Crisis - Otherwise known as the "Matrix" disorder. When people join into a series of any type, it means they like it for what it is. Some brilliant (or rather, stupid) writers think this is a good opportunity to try and break away from the mold they have already set and turn an action movie into a philosophical narrative, a comedy into a public service announcement or an epic into a romantic comedy. A good writer will be aware of his/her niche, and if they want to take things in a different direction, do so within the confines of a niche. Fans are sloths - you can move them, but you have to let them go at their own pace.

1. A Lack of Vision - This one sums it all up. Before any series can be written, heck, before ANYTHING can be written, it needs to know where it is going. You can throw the most bizarre, weird and convoluted things into a series if it all serves to work towards where the series is going. Knowing where a series is going will allow a writer to stay grounded, much like a bungee cord allows a person to jump off a bridge without fear. Do your crazy things, as long as it functions to bring you back to where you should be. It's very easy to determine what series are written because the writer wants money or something to do and because the writer wants to do something. It's the difference between writing poverty and writing excellence.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Top 6 Things To Do While Waiting For A Ride

6. Call your other friends. If one is running behind, it serves as a great opportunity to catch up with other people you WON'T be seeing that night. If you're lucky, you can get them to pick you up instead. The worst thing you can do is call the person you're waiting for, even if it is just to tell them to hurry up. Their answering of the phone will just slow them down.

5. Homework. This one is an obvious gamble. Ideally, your friend will come quickly so that you won't have to do it for too long, but you will still have done enough to say that your day was somewhat productive. Of course, in the case of really long waits, you'll end up getting a lot of work done. That's the risk you have to take though.

4. Walk in the direction your ride is coming. This will minimize those valuable seconds that would have been consumed if your ride at to come all the way to where you are. Expediency is never fully actualized, but this is one "step" you can take in that direction.

3. Teach yourself how to fly. I still stand by the belief that the only reason humanity has not learned how to fly without the use of an aircraft is a result of not enough time. Time that is wasted sitting on your rear for a ride is that very time needed to discover the method by which a human being can fly simply by the force of their will. I have personally made great lengths at this, but have not been completely successful yet.

2. Train your dog to carry you like a horse carries a man. Dogs have a secret - and that secret is that they are fully capable of hoisting a human on their backs and running for long distances. It's just their pride that keeps them from submitting in this way. The whole pride issue began when humans started taking dogs into their houses and feeding them at no cost. But that is a rant for another day. If you don't have a dog, there are other options. Kittens for example. Sure, they're not strong enough to hoist a human, or even a fat child, but they are quite adept at networking. And if a kitten really levels with you, it will tell you that their posse of kittens is a phone call away from teaming together to carry you wherever you need to go. The day I see a man being carried down the street by a small mob of kittens is the day I will finally have faith in humanity.

1. Blog. Some people like to blog when they are feeling most emotional, or on a Friday night when they should be out with their friends. The truth is, blogging is overrated and should be relegated to those small throwaway times as we wait for a ride.