Top Six Dumb Things Boys Have Said To Me

I haven’t had good luck with guys. There were a few years there where the only guys who liked me were…well, guys that Jesus loves but I wasn’t all that in to. Here are a few experiences that I have grown to appreciate.

6. The Pizza Order – Once when I was working at a pizza place a guy came in to place a take out order. He said to me, “I’d like a large pepperoni pizza and your phone number. Please”. I didn’t give him my phone number.


5. The Grad Date – When I was in Grade 12 this guy asked me to grad. I didn’t really know what to say, honestly I didn’t want to go with him, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to go with anyone. After I told him that I didn’t know what to say he said “Don’t worry, you can take the weekend to think about it, I just didn’t want you to have to go alone”. Thanks.

4. The Dutch Treat – this one didn’t happen to me, it happened to my sister, but I thought it was worth mentioning. My dear sister Jess went out for sushi with a guy once. When he got to the restaurant he said to her, “I just spent my last $7 on gas, so you’re going to have to get this one”. I understand that gas is expensive, but if you’re going out and you need gas maybe you can borrow a few dollars from a friend? I don’t know, just a thought.

3. The One I Don’t Have a Title For – I went to high school with this guy who didn’t like me. I really liked him but I guess I just ticked him off. Our first year out of high school we both did this one year program at Summit Pacific College. We went on a retreat the first weekend and I figured we should figure out our relationship before the year went horribly wrong. I told him that I didn’t care if he liked me as long as he treated me with respect. His answer? “I really want to like you, I just can’t do it”! We talked about this conversation a few months ago – he’s blocked it from his memory and asked me to forgive him. I said yes.

2. The First Time I Was Asked Out – this is a good one. It happened over MSN. It was two weeks before my 16th birthday and I was talking to a boy who was a grade younger than me from school. He told me he wanted to go out with me and I said no ( I said it nicer than just “no” but it would take up too much room to write it all out) he asked me to give him one good reason why I wouldn’t go out with him and I gave him three. 1) I’m older than you, 2) I barely even know you and 3) I don’t have feelings for you. He replied with, You’re not that much older than me, you probably know me better than anyone I know and we can work on that last one. When he persisted I told him that he’d have to ask my parents’ permission before I said yes, ‘Okay, but just to warn you, parents love me’. The next day at school he asked me if I would say yes if my parents said yes, I told him no and that was finally the end of it.

1. The Pizza Delivery Guy – This is the story you all have been waiting for. I worked at a pizza place for 4 years. For part of that time I worked with a guy, let’s call him Jimmy. Jimmy was about 30 years old and he delivered pizza. He started asking me a lot about the Bible and Jesus and all that good stuff and I was excited to share. Then one day he came in to work and told me he had a present for me. He handed me a box and told me not to open it until I got home. Luckily my boss sent me to the store to pick up some lettuce and I took my purse along. On the way I opened the box and a ring dropped out. It was a sparkly mood ring that said ‘I (heart) you’ on it. There was also a letter inside. ‘Dearest Angel…” I stuffed the box back into my purse, bought the lettuce, went back to work and promptly told my boss I wasn’t feeling well. I began the walk home, reading the letter. I don’t remember it word for word but here is a pretty good paraphrase of some of the best parts.

“Dearest Angel,

From the moment I saw you I loved you. When I saw your penmanship I fell even deeper in love…If you were to love me back I would be the luckiest man on earth. We are like two ducks floating on a lotus pond, or two dragons floating in the summer breeze, that is what I dream for us…”

There was more but I don’t remember it. The best part was he signed it with his email address and phone number and the post statement said, “Do Not (not was underlined three times) tell anyone about this”. No kidding don’t tell anyone about the 30 year old proclaiming his love for his 17 year old co-worker!