Can you guess what big day it is for Lady B?
6. Drive the speed limit
5. Shoulder check
4. Check my mirrors every 5 to 8 seconds
3. Use my blinker
2. Don't hit anyone/anything
1. Don't throw up
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Top Six Things I Hope I Won't Do When I'm A Parent
6. Make My Entire Family Wear Matching Clothes - When I was growing up there was a family at our church who did this. Mom, Dad, Kids, everyone. All the same pattern, material, everything.
5. Let My 4-Year-Old Son Wear Justin Bieber T-Shirts - Yes I saw this recently.
4. Let My Kids Have Cell Phones Before They Can Afford To Pay For Them - I'm sorry but children do not need to text. Children do not need cell phones.
3. Pull My Child By The Ear - In researching this post I asked my mother what is something I shouldn't do when I have children and she demonstrated this act of frustration. It hurts.
2. Watch The Wiggles - Most children's shows are a little strange and annoying and don't make much sense and get stuck in your head in the worst way. But from what I have seen of the Wiggles, they are the worst. No Wiggles in my house thank you.
1. Nurse A Baby In A Movie Theatre - Inspiration for this post. I was on a date the other night and we were a little shocked why we a) saw that the couple in front of use had a baby with them (which could be kind of annoying and disruptive and why would you bring a baby in the first place?) a b) realized that right at the dramatic climax of the movies the woman began to NURSE her baby. Needless to say, I covered my face with my sweater and pretended to be moved to tears by Katherin Heigl's performance.
5. Let My 4-Year-Old Son Wear Justin Bieber T-Shirts - Yes I saw this recently.
4. Let My Kids Have Cell Phones Before They Can Afford To Pay For Them - I'm sorry but children do not need to text. Children do not need cell phones.
3. Pull My Child By The Ear - In researching this post I asked my mother what is something I shouldn't do when I have children and she demonstrated this act of frustration. It hurts.
2. Watch The Wiggles - Most children's shows are a little strange and annoying and don't make much sense and get stuck in your head in the worst way. But from what I have seen of the Wiggles, they are the worst. No Wiggles in my house thank you.
1. Nurse A Baby In A Movie Theatre - Inspiration for this post. I was on a date the other night and we were a little shocked why we a) saw that the couple in front of use had a baby with them (which could be kind of annoying and disruptive and why would you bring a baby in the first place?) a b) realized that right at the dramatic climax of the movies the woman began to NURSE her baby. Needless to say, I covered my face with my sweater and pretended to be moved to tears by Katherin Heigl's performance.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Top 6 Things to get Back After a Break Up
Inspired by a conversation with Dan
6) Your Black T-shirt- After the silence, the what ifs, the what could have been stage, you realize that you left an important piece of clothing at their house, your balck t-shirt. This versatile piece of clothing fits any occasion, relaxing, funeraling, you name it. It's also easy to forget and is nessecary to have. Sure, you could buy another one, but you want yours back. Also ben Folds sings about it....
5) Your Gameboy- At some point during the relationship, you probably let them play with your Nintendo DS, no doubt Mario Cart or a game of that nature. As a token of trust and goodwill, you let them keep playing after they begged you to keep it for a few days, which turned into a few months as they attempted to defeat Bowser. Sure, it was a great common interest, but now your broken up you have a lot more time on your hands, which can be filled with a Gameboy, and maybe tears.
4) Kitchenware- The making and preparing of food is a great couples activity, as long as there are no attempted poisionings when things go South. There is no doubt you brought some sort of tupperware or kitchen item with food in it being the ideal romantic type. That time is over, you now need something to keep your left over pizza in. I bet you wish you had that tupperware container instead of it being locked up in the Fortress of Solitude.
3) Your Couples Improvement Books- If your a guy, please tell me you don't have any of these to pick up, if you do, I guess you guys didnt study it hard enough. Important Note: While picking it up, don't say something like, "I need it for my next relationship" or, "I guess we won't be needing this anymore," have some class.
2) Your TV on DVD Series- Every couple has this. its an excuse to be close to each other. Whether it's a drama like th O.C., a terrible show like Prison break, or a decent show like The Office, it is vital to get this item back. Nothing says I've moved on like like taking this nifty box set back and watching it by yourself or with someone else. By the way, you can't wacth the same series in your next relationship, be a little bit creative, it could also get sort of weird. apparently the brain associates memories to images. If all you can think of is the time you spilt coffee on yourself with your former Lover, probably not a good idea to wacth it with your current Lover. I could see things going badly by starting to say, "Remeber that time we watched this episode and I......"
1) Your Dignity- I think you left it in that box over there by the twenty post break up love letters you sent....
PS
Ben Folds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVk_e31dnlE
Viewer discretion might be advised.
6) Your Black T-shirt- After the silence, the what ifs, the what could have been stage, you realize that you left an important piece of clothing at their house, your balck t-shirt. This versatile piece of clothing fits any occasion, relaxing, funeraling, you name it. It's also easy to forget and is nessecary to have. Sure, you could buy another one, but you want yours back. Also ben Folds sings about it....
5) Your Gameboy- At some point during the relationship, you probably let them play with your Nintendo DS, no doubt Mario Cart or a game of that nature. As a token of trust and goodwill, you let them keep playing after they begged you to keep it for a few days, which turned into a few months as they attempted to defeat Bowser. Sure, it was a great common interest, but now your broken up you have a lot more time on your hands, which can be filled with a Gameboy, and maybe tears.
4) Kitchenware- The making and preparing of food is a great couples activity, as long as there are no attempted poisionings when things go South. There is no doubt you brought some sort of tupperware or kitchen item with food in it being the ideal romantic type. That time is over, you now need something to keep your left over pizza in. I bet you wish you had that tupperware container instead of it being locked up in the Fortress of Solitude.
3) Your Couples Improvement Books- If your a guy, please tell me you don't have any of these to pick up, if you do, I guess you guys didnt study it hard enough. Important Note: While picking it up, don't say something like, "I need it for my next relationship" or, "I guess we won't be needing this anymore," have some class.
2) Your TV on DVD Series- Every couple has this. its an excuse to be close to each other. Whether it's a drama like th O.C., a terrible show like Prison break, or a decent show like The Office, it is vital to get this item back. Nothing says I've moved on like like taking this nifty box set back and watching it by yourself or with someone else. By the way, you can't wacth the same series in your next relationship, be a little bit creative, it could also get sort of weird. apparently the brain associates memories to images. If all you can think of is the time you spilt coffee on yourself with your former Lover, probably not a good idea to wacth it with your current Lover. I could see things going badly by starting to say, "Remeber that time we watched this episode and I......"
1) Your Dignity- I think you left it in that box over there by the twenty post break up love letters you sent....
PS
Ben Folds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVk_e31dnlE
Viewer discretion might be advised.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Top Six Things You Don't Want to Hear at Thanksgiving Dinner
6. Careful, the cat licked that
5. Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?
4. Mom, I think the stove is broken (inspiration for this post - we are currently cooking dinner at our neighbor's house)
3. The expiry date on the turkey was a few days ago...but I probably cooked out all the mold
2. The stuffing is gluten free!
1. There are so many calories in the dinner, I decided not to make dessert.
5. Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?
4. Mom, I think the stove is broken (inspiration for this post - we are currently cooking dinner at our neighbor's house)
3. The expiry date on the turkey was a few days ago...but I probably cooked out all the mold
2. The stuffing is gluten free!
1. There are so many calories in the dinner, I decided not to make dessert.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Top Six Things To Do When You Live Alone
I am living in an apartment at camp until the end of September and my roomate has left me for a few days. Here are a few things I may or may not have done during my hours of by-myself-living.
6. Turn on whatever music you want (Glee soundtrack) and belt it as loud as you can.
5. Pretend you are the lead singer (Rachel Berry) and perform the afore mentioned song for your imaginary audience. No need to pretend they are in their underwear, when they come from your imagination your audience always adores you.
4. Sleep with the light on. This is not a suggestion for fun, in my case is was because I was afraid of the rats in my ceiling. For you it may be for safety reasons or because your house is messy and you don't want to trip if you need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. If you are able to sleep with the light on you could just do it for the heck of it because it won't be keeping anyone else awake.
3. Eat ice cream for dinner.
2. Eat ice cream for dinner...in your bed
1. Buy a pet fish. I haven't actually done this yet, I will tomorrow. Her name will be Rachel Berry. I might buy two...I need suggestions for another name. This suggestion is to ward off any loneliness that you might face. Sometimes fish actually have some personality (RIP Gilgamesh's Mouth) and they are pretty easy to keep. They also only cost 13 cents at Pet Smart.
6. Turn on whatever music you want (Glee soundtrack) and belt it as loud as you can.
5. Pretend you are the lead singer (Rachel Berry) and perform the afore mentioned song for your imaginary audience. No need to pretend they are in their underwear, when they come from your imagination your audience always adores you.
4. Sleep with the light on. This is not a suggestion for fun, in my case is was because I was afraid of the rats in my ceiling. For you it may be for safety reasons or because your house is messy and you don't want to trip if you need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. If you are able to sleep with the light on you could just do it for the heck of it because it won't be keeping anyone else awake.
3. Eat ice cream for dinner.
2. Eat ice cream for dinner...in your bed
1. Buy a pet fish. I haven't actually done this yet, I will tomorrow. Her name will be Rachel Berry. I might buy two...I need suggestions for another name. This suggestion is to ward off any loneliness that you might face. Sometimes fish actually have some personality (RIP Gilgamesh's Mouth) and they are pretty easy to keep. They also only cost 13 cents at Pet Smart.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Top Six Things I Wish I Could Eat
Yesterday was the fateful day. I remember thinking that the drugs weren't working, that I didn't feel drowsy at all. The next thing I know I was blinking in a bed, looking out over Surrey, wondering where my shoes had gone and feeling great concern over the fact that Michael Jackson was dead. My face hurt and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't close my mouth (thank you gauze). I may be four teeth less wise and I've watched seven movies in the last 24 hours but the thing that is bothering me the most is the ridiculous cravings I've been having for things I may not be able to eat for a couple of weeks!
6. Kraft Dinner
5. Pizza...really gross greasy pizza, like you always see on TV when people from New York are eating pizza
4. Teryaki Chicken Burger from Red Robin (and Fries)
3. One of the Gluten Free Banana Chocolate Chunk cookies that my mom's client brought to me Tuesday evening. Giant, delicious, won't make me sick cookies.
2. Cheese Bread
1. The BC Burger from White Spot. I want this the most.
For now I'm sticking with chicken broth and pudding, gatorade and apple juice. And let's not forget the T-3's. The glorious T-3's.
6. Kraft Dinner
5. Pizza...really gross greasy pizza, like you always see on TV when people from New York are eating pizza
4. Teryaki Chicken Burger from Red Robin (and Fries)
3. One of the Gluten Free Banana Chocolate Chunk cookies that my mom's client brought to me Tuesday evening. Giant, delicious, won't make me sick cookies.
2. Cheese Bread
1. The BC Burger from White Spot. I want this the most.
For now I'm sticking with chicken broth and pudding, gatorade and apple juice. And let's not forget the T-3's. The glorious T-3's.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Top 6 Worst Courses I've Ever Taken
6. 2nd Year Biochemistry: Cell Biology
I really thought this class was good, until I got my final mark. I was just over half a percent from being in my minimum letter grade range. It may sound silly, but try losing the 100m in the Olympics by less than a second. I've done that too - it's better than being half a percent off.
5. 1st Year Economics: Macroeconomics
No matter how hard I tried, I just didn't work out with me. So much for that business degree.
4. Youth Communication
This is another course from another degree I never finished. I must say that this one had the 2nd worst final exam I've written in my entire life(the worst is described further down). It had a major essay question worth 25 marks, as well as a short answer question that was worth the same amount. I didn't understand that sort of weighting, and I don't think my prof did either.
3. 2nd Year Organic Chemistry Lab
It wasn't the lab that was bad. I seem to do quite well in lab-based courses, but not this one. I still believe that the way some stuff went down was outside the realm of proper justice.
2. 1st Year English: Introduction to Literature and Issues in Culture
Contrary to your expectations of this class from the title, it was anything but interesting. The class really wasn't about issues in culture, it was about a single issue in culture - globalization. Instead of looking at the interesting aspects of globalization, the prof preferred to interpret it as a chance to saturate us with anti-corporationist media. Don't get me wrong - I hate The Man just as much as anyone. But my hatred of The Man is pure, unlike the prof's poorly-veiled attempts at being original. The only thing that is as bad as The Man is the trendy hatred of The Man, which is really another form of The Man, known as The Man 2.0. I hate The Man and The Man 2.0 in the same way that I hated this class.
One final note: the reading list for this class was equally painful. It included the typical horrible Canadian literature about some fish girl, and a Chinese book about a love-affair between a Chinese woman and a German businessman. Get it? The intertwining of their bodies was a metaphor for globalization. Real clever. Sex has never been used as a metaphor before. Also, the book was apparently banned in China, which probably made my prof feel more edgy. He loved feeling that way.
1. 3rd Year Biology: Invertebrate Biology
Even the globalization debacle was not as bad as this mistake. For those of you who don't know, an invertebrate is something that doesn't have a spinal cord. I'm the sort of biology major who prefers dogs to slugs (ie. a normal human being) so this course wasn't really my bag from the get-go. But, I needed to fill some credit slot, so alas, I signed up.
I was quite distraught to find out, once I was already in the course, that I would have to go on a field-trip that would steal my entire weekend. It was the worst field-trip of my life. We got to spend four hours just getting there. We got to go on boats in the rain and catch plankton. We got to spend our evenings looking at anemones on a beach. We got to sleep in a dorm with other people from our class we didn't know, and be kept up till 3 a.m. every night by those who didn't relish our own love for sleep. And that was just one weekend.
The lectures were overly detailed, and finding structure was also a challenge. I ended up relistening to each lecture and taking verbatim notes in an attempt learn something, but I wish I could have had that time back - the exams were designed to make you fail. Not only did they have negative points for wrong answers, the final exam gets the run-away record of being the worst exam written in all of history. It tested everything that was not focused on, with negative points being given should you guess incorrectly.
This course had a lab component. It was three hours a week of drawing things without spinal cords. At least speaking in a David Attenborough voice made it somewhat more bearable.
Finally, the course also demanded that I spend almost twenty dollars of my own money at the Aquarium and spend all my time looking at the boringest stuff, just trying to squeeze some more marks out of the tight fist of my cruel-meister-prof.
Ironically, I did decently in this course. Yet it's not one of those courses that was challenging, but you're happy you were able to come out on top. Just like Churchill would have preferred no war at all over his victory, I would have preferred to have never taken this course.
I really thought this class was good, until I got my final mark. I was just over half a percent from being in my minimum letter grade range. It may sound silly, but try losing the 100m in the Olympics by less than a second. I've done that too - it's better than being half a percent off.
5. 1st Year Economics: Macroeconomics
No matter how hard I tried, I just didn't work out with me. So much for that business degree.
4. Youth Communication
This is another course from another degree I never finished. I must say that this one had the 2nd worst final exam I've written in my entire life(the worst is described further down). It had a major essay question worth 25 marks, as well as a short answer question that was worth the same amount. I didn't understand that sort of weighting, and I don't think my prof did either.
3. 2nd Year Organic Chemistry Lab
It wasn't the lab that was bad. I seem to do quite well in lab-based courses, but not this one. I still believe that the way some stuff went down was outside the realm of proper justice.
2. 1st Year English: Introduction to Literature and Issues in Culture
Contrary to your expectations of this class from the title, it was anything but interesting. The class really wasn't about issues in culture, it was about a single issue in culture - globalization. Instead of looking at the interesting aspects of globalization, the prof preferred to interpret it as a chance to saturate us with anti-corporationist media. Don't get me wrong - I hate The Man just as much as anyone. But my hatred of The Man is pure, unlike the prof's poorly-veiled attempts at being original. The only thing that is as bad as The Man is the trendy hatred of The Man, which is really another form of The Man, known as The Man 2.0. I hate The Man and The Man 2.0 in the same way that I hated this class.
One final note: the reading list for this class was equally painful. It included the typical horrible Canadian literature about some fish girl, and a Chinese book about a love-affair between a Chinese woman and a German businessman. Get it? The intertwining of their bodies was a metaphor for globalization. Real clever. Sex has never been used as a metaphor before. Also, the book was apparently banned in China, which probably made my prof feel more edgy. He loved feeling that way.
1. 3rd Year Biology: Invertebrate Biology
Even the globalization debacle was not as bad as this mistake. For those of you who don't know, an invertebrate is something that doesn't have a spinal cord. I'm the sort of biology major who prefers dogs to slugs (ie. a normal human being) so this course wasn't really my bag from the get-go. But, I needed to fill some credit slot, so alas, I signed up.
I was quite distraught to find out, once I was already in the course, that I would have to go on a field-trip that would steal my entire weekend. It was the worst field-trip of my life. We got to spend four hours just getting there. We got to go on boats in the rain and catch plankton. We got to spend our evenings looking at anemones on a beach. We got to sleep in a dorm with other people from our class we didn't know, and be kept up till 3 a.m. every night by those who didn't relish our own love for sleep. And that was just one weekend.
The lectures were overly detailed, and finding structure was also a challenge. I ended up relistening to each lecture and taking verbatim notes in an attempt learn something, but I wish I could have had that time back - the exams were designed to make you fail. Not only did they have negative points for wrong answers, the final exam gets the run-away record of being the worst exam written in all of history. It tested everything that was not focused on, with negative points being given should you guess incorrectly.
This course had a lab component. It was three hours a week of drawing things without spinal cords. At least speaking in a David Attenborough voice made it somewhat more bearable.
Finally, the course also demanded that I spend almost twenty dollars of my own money at the Aquarium and spend all my time looking at the boringest stuff, just trying to squeeze some more marks out of the tight fist of my cruel-meister-prof.
Ironically, I did decently in this course. Yet it's not one of those courses that was challenging, but you're happy you were able to come out on top. Just like Churchill would have preferred no war at all over his victory, I would have preferred to have never taken this course.
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