I haven’t had good luck with guys. There were a few years there where the only guys who liked me were…well, guys that Jesus loves but I wasn’t all that in to. Here are a few experiences that I have grown to appreciate.
6. The Pizza Order – Once when I was working at a pizza place a guy came in to place a take out order. He said to me, “I’d like a large pepperoni pizza and your phone number. Please”. I didn’t give him my phone number.
5. The Grad Date – When I was in Grade 12 this guy asked me to grad. I didn’t really know what to say, honestly I didn’t want to go with him, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to go with anyone. After I told him that I didn’t know what to say he said “Don’t worry, you can take the weekend to think about it, I just didn’t want you to have to go alone”. Thanks.
4. The Dutch Treat – this one didn’t happen to me, it happened to my sister, but I thought it was worth mentioning. My dear sister Jess went out for sushi with a guy once. When he got to the restaurant he said to her, “I just spent my last $7 on gas, so you’re going to have to get this one”. I understand that gas is expensive, but if you’re going out and you need gas maybe you can borrow a few dollars from a friend? I don’t know, just a thought.
3. The One I Don’t Have a Title For – I went to high school with this guy who didn’t like me. I really liked him but I guess I just ticked him off. Our first year out of high school we both did this one year program at Summit Pacific College. We went on a retreat the first weekend and I figured we should figure out our relationship before the year went horribly wrong. I told him that I didn’t care if he liked me as long as he treated me with respect. His answer? “I really want to like you, I just can’t do it”! We talked about this conversation a few months ago – he’s blocked it from his memory and asked me to forgive him. I said yes.
2. The First Time I Was Asked Out – this is a good one. It happened over MSN. It was two weeks before my 16th birthday and I was talking to a boy who was a grade younger than me from school. He told me he wanted to go out with me and I said no ( I said it nicer than just “no” but it would take up too much room to write it all out) he asked me to give him one good reason why I wouldn’t go out with him and I gave him three. 1) I’m older than you, 2) I barely even know you and 3) I don’t have feelings for you. He replied with, You’re not that much older than me, you probably know me better than anyone I know and we can work on that last one. When he persisted I told him that he’d have to ask my parents’ permission before I said yes, ‘Okay, but just to warn you, parents love me’. The next day at school he asked me if I would say yes if my parents said yes, I told him no and that was finally the end of it.
1. The Pizza Delivery Guy – This is the story you all have been waiting for. I worked at a pizza place for 4 years. For part of that time I worked with a guy, let’s call him Jimmy. Jimmy was about 30 years old and he delivered pizza. He started asking me a lot about the Bible and Jesus and all that good stuff and I was excited to share. Then one day he came in to work and told me he had a present for me. He handed me a box and told me not to open it until I got home. Luckily my boss sent me to the store to pick up some lettuce and I took my purse along. On the way I opened the box and a ring dropped out. It was a sparkly mood ring that said ‘I (heart) you’ on it. There was also a letter inside. ‘Dearest Angel…” I stuffed the box back into my purse, bought the lettuce, went back to work and promptly told my boss I wasn’t feeling well. I began the walk home, reading the letter. I don’t remember it word for word but here is a pretty good paraphrase of some of the best parts.
“Dearest Angel,
From the moment I saw you I loved you. When I saw your penmanship I fell even deeper in love…If you were to love me back I would be the luckiest man on earth. We are like two ducks floating on a lotus pond, or two dragons floating in the summer breeze, that is what I dream for us…”
There was more but I don’t remember it. The best part was he signed it with his email address and phone number and the post statement said, “Do Not (not was underlined three times) tell anyone about this”. No kidding don’t tell anyone about the 30 year old proclaiming his love for his 17 year old co-worker!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Top 6 Debunked Lies That Cartoons Taught Me
6. Cataclysms don't precede a moment of digestion. If something major happens, like a large explosion or a revelation of one's own origin, you do not get a two-minute commercial to let it settle. And for the really big ones, the words "To Be Continued..." don't appear at the bottom of the screen, giving you a week's recluse from the problem.
5. Living with your friends and having crazy adventures is not as fun as it sounds. Most of the time, the only enemy you want to fight once your friends move in are the friends themselves. And not in the "you-pretended-to-be-my-friend-but-secretly-were-the-enemy-all-along-man-what-a-great-plot-twist" sort of way. Just the really annoying way.
4. Animals don't talk.
3. You can't hide your identity just by wearing a mask around your eyes. You most likely have to have something that covers your entire face. Probably your hair too.
2. If you accidentally run off a cliff, you can't maintain anti-gravity just by not looking down.
1. If you really want something but you just can't get it, don't keep trying. Let it go, man. Let it go.
5. Living with your friends and having crazy adventures is not as fun as it sounds. Most of the time, the only enemy you want to fight once your friends move in are the friends themselves. And not in the "you-pretended-to-be-my-friend-but-secretly-were-the-enemy-all-along-man-what-a-great-plot-twist" sort of way. Just the really annoying way.
4. Animals don't talk.
3. You can't hide your identity just by wearing a mask around your eyes. You most likely have to have something that covers your entire face. Probably your hair too.
2. If you accidentally run off a cliff, you can't maintain anti-gravity just by not looking down.
1. If you really want something but you just can't get it, don't keep trying. Let it go, man. Let it go.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Top 6 Songs from my New Employment Album
So here are the top 6 most anticipated songs from my new album of covers tune about working called "Nurseryland or CT and Everything in Between"
6) Card Denied- Cover of Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch
5) Clearance- Cover of Changes by David Bowie
4) Workers in Langley- Cover of Lovers in Japan by Coldplay
3) A Homewood Fairytale- Cover of A Dustland Fairytale by The Killers
2) Stock it Like it's Hot- Cover of Drop it Like it's Hot by Snoop Dog
1) Out of My Way (I Don't Want to Pay)- Cover of Light My Way (Ultraviolet) by U2
6) Card Denied- Cover of Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch
5) Clearance- Cover of Changes by David Bowie
4) Workers in Langley- Cover of Lovers in Japan by Coldplay
3) A Homewood Fairytale- Cover of A Dustland Fairytale by The Killers
2) Stock it Like it's Hot- Cover of Drop it Like it's Hot by Snoop Dog
1) Out of My Way (I Don't Want to Pay)- Cover of Light My Way (Ultraviolet) by U2
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Top Six Things That Creep Me Out
Something that should be known is I have a lot of quirky things about me. There are things that really creep me out and maybe some of them are dumb, but here we go.
6) When People Chew Loudly – It’s just gross. It really bothers me. Seriously, learn to chew with your mouth closed. Enough said.
5) The Bottom of the Ocean – Not that bad, but I do not like the feeling of all the gross crud at the bottom of the ocean or the lake. Sand is fine, rocks are fine, weeds are not. Maybe I’m just afraid of the fish or that there’s going to be something that cuts me. I don’t like it.
4) Animals – They are just really creepy! You never know what they are thinking and they don’t know any words so how can they even think at all? AND you never know what they are going to do. I don’t know, they’re creepy!
3) Milk – Okay, I like milk products. I love ice cream and I love cheese and milk and all that good stuff. But seriously, milk products are creepy; especially when they come from other people’s fridges. One time my friend Miguel took a Fruit Loop out of my cereal bowl and I almost refused to eat the rest of it. I don’t have an explanation for it. The worst thing would be sharing a spoon when you’re eating ice cream or yoghurt (especially yoghurt!). I’m really fine sharing food but ice cream and yoghurt are a no go…and apples, that’s weird too.
2) Rodents – Sort of like the first one…but seriously, ew. Rodents are gross. They eat disgusting things and live in places you don’t want them to live. And what the heck is with the surprise of them. You never really expect to find a mouse, it’s always a surprise and you’re like “Holy Crap, there’s a mouse!” Last summer I was sleeping in my cabin (at camp) and in the middle of the night my friend started freaking out and there was a mouse IN MY BED. NOT COOL. We ended up sleeping in her car for the rest of the night.
1) Farm Animals – These are on a whole other level from regular animals. There is something about farm animals that make my skin crawl. They are smelly and dirty and sometimes you eat them. It is SO weird to me to think of meat. I like eating meat but I just can’t think about what it really is. Farm Animals are the worst out of any other types of animals.
6) When People Chew Loudly – It’s just gross. It really bothers me. Seriously, learn to chew with your mouth closed. Enough said.
5) The Bottom of the Ocean – Not that bad, but I do not like the feeling of all the gross crud at the bottom of the ocean or the lake. Sand is fine, rocks are fine, weeds are not. Maybe I’m just afraid of the fish or that there’s going to be something that cuts me. I don’t like it.
4) Animals – They are just really creepy! You never know what they are thinking and they don’t know any words so how can they even think at all? AND you never know what they are going to do. I don’t know, they’re creepy!
3) Milk – Okay, I like milk products. I love ice cream and I love cheese and milk and all that good stuff. But seriously, milk products are creepy; especially when they come from other people’s fridges. One time my friend Miguel took a Fruit Loop out of my cereal bowl and I almost refused to eat the rest of it. I don’t have an explanation for it. The worst thing would be sharing a spoon when you’re eating ice cream or yoghurt (especially yoghurt!). I’m really fine sharing food but ice cream and yoghurt are a no go…and apples, that’s weird too.
2) Rodents – Sort of like the first one…but seriously, ew. Rodents are gross. They eat disgusting things and live in places you don’t want them to live. And what the heck is with the surprise of them. You never really expect to find a mouse, it’s always a surprise and you’re like “Holy Crap, there’s a mouse!” Last summer I was sleeping in my cabin (at camp) and in the middle of the night my friend started freaking out and there was a mouse IN MY BED. NOT COOL. We ended up sleeping in her car for the rest of the night.
1) Farm Animals – These are on a whole other level from regular animals. There is something about farm animals that make my skin crawl. They are smelly and dirty and sometimes you eat them. It is SO weird to me to think of meat. I like eating meat but I just can’t think about what it really is. Farm Animals are the worst out of any other types of animals.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Top 6 Songs that are Grinding my Gears Right Now
6) Boom (Black Eyed Peas)- First of all my distain for this band runs long and deep in my life. This new "wonder" they came up with is the worst yet. Its essentially a bunch of idiots yelling boom and thinking there legitimate artists. Will I Am is not legitiamite. Anyone who features in A Flo Rider song can automatically be put in the category of "Thinks he's good enough to collabarate but a real artist wouldnt collabarate with him so he had to go with Flo Rida." But perhaps the most horrifying thing is the fact they're opening for U2 in October, I'm already working on insuhlts I can yell at tghem from my seat.
5) Spin Me Right Round (Flo Rida)- Whats the deal with people trying to bring back mediocore 80's songs? They were sort of cool then but they're definetly not cool now. Its like the industry got together and said," What if we put beats and rap to these 80's songs? We wont have to be creative because clearly we suck at that and we can look bad ass doing it." I dont know where to start with this song other than giving it 2 thumbs down. Good work Flo Rida, only 2 posts and you have been mentioned in both.
4) Most of Hill Song United (Hill Song United)- This has been brewing for a long time and if your offended by this Im not sorry. I fully support what they do and the message, I just want to hear it done in a different way. Im tired of the long drawn out solo's and the silence where the crowd is singing like its a generational anthem. Also, what about this poetic genius, "I will read my bible and pray everyday." Im pretty sure they have a music school and stuff in Australia and the best they can come up with is that line. Im pretty sure Sunday school children are taught that phrase from the age of three. Im sorry Hillsong, support the message but the finsih isn't there for me.
3) Know Your Enemy (Green Day)- Alright Green Day, you've been found out, you just dont have the chops anymore. You started off so well with early stuff like Dookie, it was fun and different in a pop bands world. However, American Idiot? What were you trying to pull, the appeasement of kids who are sort of angsty and pretend to hate George Bush? How much did you pay the people at the Grammy's to bestow you with far too many honors for the album that was terrible. Then you release Know Your Enemy, its excactly the same but perhaps even more toned down and perhaps a little crappier, I think the only enemy you have is time, and its catching up with your music at the speed of sound.
2) Kiss me Through the Phone (Soulja Boy)- Terrible artist, has one popular song and dance number. Put this one trick pony out to stud (Probably with Men). Dont try and show an "Emotioanl Side" about missing your "Shorty." Do everyone a favour and fade back into your 15 mins of fame.
1) Africa (Karl Wolf)- So remember that band Sky who had that hit "Love Song" a few years ago. Well the lead singer is back covering another marginal 80's song. I don't know where to start. First of all, the music video is the guy on some beach (Not in Africa) trying to chase after a girl who keeps eluding him. If he's on an island how does he not get her, there is no one else there for her to get with. Wait maybe its his fat rapper buddy who's wearing a San Francisco 49'ers jersey with Terrle Owens number on the back. This version of the song is offensice to the ears and mind. Thanks Canadian music industry for producing amother "Gem." Do you know what really grinds my gears, this song. If I ever meet Karl Wolf in real life here is my promise. I will tell him to go to Africe with his rapper buddy andsee what that continent is really like, punch him in the face, and proceed to run so his rapper buddy won't cap me.
5) Spin Me Right Round (Flo Rida)- Whats the deal with people trying to bring back mediocore 80's songs? They were sort of cool then but they're definetly not cool now. Its like the industry got together and said," What if we put beats and rap to these 80's songs? We wont have to be creative because clearly we suck at that and we can look bad ass doing it." I dont know where to start with this song other than giving it 2 thumbs down. Good work Flo Rida, only 2 posts and you have been mentioned in both.
4) Most of Hill Song United (Hill Song United)- This has been brewing for a long time and if your offended by this Im not sorry. I fully support what they do and the message, I just want to hear it done in a different way. Im tired of the long drawn out solo's and the silence where the crowd is singing like its a generational anthem. Also, what about this poetic genius, "I will read my bible and pray everyday." Im pretty sure they have a music school and stuff in Australia and the best they can come up with is that line. Im pretty sure Sunday school children are taught that phrase from the age of three. Im sorry Hillsong, support the message but the finsih isn't there for me.
3) Know Your Enemy (Green Day)- Alright Green Day, you've been found out, you just dont have the chops anymore. You started off so well with early stuff like Dookie, it was fun and different in a pop bands world. However, American Idiot? What were you trying to pull, the appeasement of kids who are sort of angsty and pretend to hate George Bush? How much did you pay the people at the Grammy's to bestow you with far too many honors for the album that was terrible. Then you release Know Your Enemy, its excactly the same but perhaps even more toned down and perhaps a little crappier, I think the only enemy you have is time, and its catching up with your music at the speed of sound.
2) Kiss me Through the Phone (Soulja Boy)- Terrible artist, has one popular song and dance number. Put this one trick pony out to stud (Probably with Men). Dont try and show an "Emotioanl Side" about missing your "Shorty." Do everyone a favour and fade back into your 15 mins of fame.
1) Africa (Karl Wolf)- So remember that band Sky who had that hit "Love Song" a few years ago. Well the lead singer is back covering another marginal 80's song. I don't know where to start. First of all, the music video is the guy on some beach (Not in Africa) trying to chase after a girl who keeps eluding him. If he's on an island how does he not get her, there is no one else there for her to get with. Wait maybe its his fat rapper buddy who's wearing a San Francisco 49'ers jersey with Terrle Owens number on the back. This version of the song is offensice to the ears and mind. Thanks Canadian music industry for producing amother "Gem." Do you know what really grinds my gears, this song. If I ever meet Karl Wolf in real life here is my promise. I will tell him to go to Africe with his rapper buddy andsee what that continent is really like, punch him in the face, and proceed to run so his rapper buddy won't cap me.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Top 6 Similes To Use When Ending A Relationship
My good friend "mo' money mo' problems" already posted a similar list on what to DO when you break up with somebody. To support that ambition, I would like to provide a list of what to SAY when you break up with somebody. Combine the two entries together, and you will be fully prepared for any break-up you want to pull off.
6. "Baby, the truth is that opening up a relationship with you has been like opening Pandora's Box. I've released hatred, envy, strife, scorn, rejection, pain, suffering and all that is malicious into my life. But don't worry, baby, there's still hope left in the box. Hope for today - the day I close the box for good."
5. "Baby, the truth is that appeasing you has been like Chamberlain's appeasement of Hitler, with more disastrous results."
4. "Baby, the truth is that adding you into my life has been like adding that female ninja turtle into the live action TV show - very ill-advised."
3. "Baby, the truth is that seeing you regularly has allowed me to see what is truly beautiful in this world. Other women."
2. "Baby, the truth is that talking with you is just like talking with myself. Both are signs that I'm going insane."
1. "Baby, the truth is that searching for your love was like searching for a summer job. No matter how hard I tried, I always ended up getting screwed."
6. "Baby, the truth is that opening up a relationship with you has been like opening Pandora's Box. I've released hatred, envy, strife, scorn, rejection, pain, suffering and all that is malicious into my life. But don't worry, baby, there's still hope left in the box. Hope for today - the day I close the box for good."
5. "Baby, the truth is that appeasing you has been like Chamberlain's appeasement of Hitler, with more disastrous results."
4. "Baby, the truth is that adding you into my life has been like adding that female ninja turtle into the live action TV show - very ill-advised."
3. "Baby, the truth is that seeing you regularly has allowed me to see what is truly beautiful in this world. Other women."
2. "Baby, the truth is that talking with you is just like talking with myself. Both are signs that I'm going insane."
1. "Baby, the truth is that searching for your love was like searching for a summer job. No matter how hard I tried, I always ended up getting screwed."
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Top 6 Careers I Should Pursue
Hello dearest readers. Although you only know me as the brilliance behind Stop Six Records, you might be surprised that there is much more you could learn about me. I'm not going to tell you what, because I don't really want you to know what. But, I have successes and struggles just like 75% of other people. My main struggle now is figuring out what my career should be. Thus, I will muse about it on my favorite blog.
6. Astronaut - I wrote a good physics midterm a few weeks back, and being a space cadet has always been a cool thought. I figure though that once you look down on the earth from the moon it gets boring just like everything else in life. And the chances of being picked for a space mission are pretty slim, last I checked. The only advantage would be if the earth was destroyed while I was in space. Then I could proceed with my own galactic civilizations!
5. Writer - I love writing Stop Six Records, but really, it doesn't pay much. That's one of the main problems with careers - you always need to be making money with them, otherwise it's sort of counterproductive. And I tried just writing once, and got very frustrated. Then I decided on the next career path...
4. Doctor - The thought of being able to heal people is awesome. Hence why I started down this path. But, my grades aren't what they should be. It's not that I'm taking this as an obstacle I don't care to overcome. Rather, for the amount of work I'm putting into it, I'm really not getting the results I should. Science is not my thing. It wasn't in high school, and it isn't now. It's something I could do decently if I really stuck with it, but it's not my thing.
3. Lawyer - I'm a great arguer. Also, I would consider myself unrivaled at public speaking. Arrogant, I know - but I'm that too. Law is thus interesting, but I wonder if it's just another new idea to get me excited for a few weeks.
2. Actor - It would be fun. Real fun. But we all know the logistics of it just don't make sense.
1. Spider-Man - But I would need to remember that with great power, comes great responsibility.
6. Astronaut - I wrote a good physics midterm a few weeks back, and being a space cadet has always been a cool thought. I figure though that once you look down on the earth from the moon it gets boring just like everything else in life. And the chances of being picked for a space mission are pretty slim, last I checked. The only advantage would be if the earth was destroyed while I was in space. Then I could proceed with my own galactic civilizations!
5. Writer - I love writing Stop Six Records, but really, it doesn't pay much. That's one of the main problems with careers - you always need to be making money with them, otherwise it's sort of counterproductive. And I tried just writing once, and got very frustrated. Then I decided on the next career path...
4. Doctor - The thought of being able to heal people is awesome. Hence why I started down this path. But, my grades aren't what they should be. It's not that I'm taking this as an obstacle I don't care to overcome. Rather, for the amount of work I'm putting into it, I'm really not getting the results I should. Science is not my thing. It wasn't in high school, and it isn't now. It's something I could do decently if I really stuck with it, but it's not my thing.
3. Lawyer - I'm a great arguer. Also, I would consider myself unrivaled at public speaking. Arrogant, I know - but I'm that too. Law is thus interesting, but I wonder if it's just another new idea to get me excited for a few weeks.
2. Actor - It would be fun. Real fun. But we all know the logistics of it just don't make sense.
1. Spider-Man - But I would need to remember that with great power, comes great responsibility.
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